Slapstick? Farce? Just another Nuggets loss

Attending last night's ridiculous loss to the Houston Rockets was like volunteering to get kicked in the groin. Step 1 - space feet should width apart and squat; Step 2 - receive blow to groin; Step 3 - crumple over in pain. That's how it felt to watch the 16 point lead evaporate against a bunch of mediocre players. That's how it feels to watch the slow degeneration of a promising young team. There's no way the Nuggets, from top to bottom, can be this bad. Houston's late-season lineup is basically a modified development-league roster featuring Juwan Howard. And the Nuggets played their starters, the guys they hope to win with in the playoffs, for close to 30 minutes each, e.g. Carmelo had 22 points in 28 minutes.

The lads with whom I frequently attend games - a.k.a. the Prozac crew - quietly bemoaned the current state of affairs: "the Nuggets probably can't win one against either the Clippers or the Griz - looks like an opening round sweep"; "the best thing for the team is to hope K-Mart explodes in the playoffs, which will be over in a flash, so we can trade him and get some quality players around 'Melo next season." Paraphrases of course, but you get the idea: the season's already a wash.

Coach Karl seems to believe that the Nuggets have a magic switch somewhere which they can flip on when the playoffs start. The thing about playoff switches is that only winners have them. You don't get a switch until you get a trophy. Examples: Jordan, Bird, and Magic all had a magic switch. . . .and multiple titles. Hakeem Olajuwan was strong in the regular season, but when the playoffs started he turned into some sort of ballet-master robotic demon demi-god who was unstoppable. Oh yeah, he won a couple of titles as well. Shaq has a magic switch but it's grown rusty in the humid Miami climate. (Tim Duncan, in case you're wondering, is an emotionless android that operates under completely different principles.) When it comes to magic switches, the Nuggets aren't even in the same sport, much less the same ballpark.

Melo's magic switch was flipped in early February when he began a second-half crusade for MVP, but it will be hard to carry over into the playoffs when defenders will gameplan around stopping him and letting other guys score. Ruben Patterson's energy switch is always on, but his talent switch was omitted by the manufacturer. K-Mart seems to have a magical whining switch but nothing for talent or energy; maybe he lost them in New Jersey, along with his knees. The mystery of Andre Miller is trying to find his switch in the first place, which has eluded all his coaches so far. Camby, who nearly won a title in '99, may have been given an honorary magic switch but he can't flip it on until the Nuggets advance past the first round. And bench player's magic switches don't work unless the starter's are already activated. Unless you're Robert Horry, who has a deluxe prototype switch unavailable to everyone else in the league.

Maybe Karl knows something we don't, but I doubt it. I secretly think Kiki has hidden whatever switches there are and won't pull them out until he gets a new contract. And Kroenke won't budge. Either way, it's bad news for the playoffs.